Tempo and rhythm and relaxation

Two terms we have focused on in recent weeks
So, what is the difference?
We are learning that tempo is much more the speed we move at and the rhythm is the defined beat pattern that the hooves fall into...canter has been the gait we have had the main issue as far as rhythm is concerned, however in the trot AND canter our tempo has very much been dictated to me by Small Brown, his weakness and my lack of understanding and therefore control.
So interesting to me, in our dressage journey, that the 'building blocks' or Training Pyramid places rhythm (with tempo within that) before relaxation...(although I understand they are connected more holistically than a pyramid suggests) as without the relaxation our tempo has been very difficult to regulate/control/influence.

I am a tense rider...I am improving as our bond of trust grows, but it has taken a long time for me to be able to 'sit out' any 'moments' that might occur...especially in a competition environment. If I am not relaxed, by definition how can my horse EVER be so? Without relaxation through neck and back I can't sit into my horse, we are not in harmony...it feels awful and looks even worse...if I cannot use my seat effectively how can I control the tempo of walk, trot or canter?

A short snippet of a tense rider (me) and a 4 year old SmallBrown...running into transitions, with no ability to control tempo or rhythm: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hCvNqyJXcTI
And at 3mins in this video a useful comparison: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xS-lkYSAElQ

The single most effective way my trainer has helped me become aware of the interaction of these ideas and improving my ability to control them is to work without stirrups...a lot! I HAD to find our centre of balance and quickly...as I became less reliant on my hands and more reliant on my seat and once he was truly off the leg, we could refine how we moderated tempo and enhanced the rhythm.

So, today's training session focused on tempo in the trot  in both sitting and rising.
We are (with the bigger picture in mind) building up the amount of sitting trot I do in a session. I find the lateral work easier sitting BUT only when we have a relaxed frame and a soft jaw.
10m circles at each marker,leg yielding in and out from 20m to 10 m circles, shallow loops, focusing on maintaining the SAME tempo throughout.
We then played with increasing the tempo on the long side and decreasing before a corner, through a corner and out the other side, thinking about making the transitions crisp and clear.
Finally we worked on medium strides, where the energy and stride length increased but NOT the tempo...easier said than done. I have to focus on looking up not down,controlling the tempo of my rise, whilst asking for the extra effort...easier said than done
As he is getting stronger it is getting easier and I already feel a MASSIVE difference,but having sat on a PSG mare...and felt THE trot, I know there is a great deal still to work on
I stand by Kottas' words that 'time and patience' are the two qualities we MUST display in training and building rapport with our wonderful horses
Time and patience....